"Anger itself does more harm than the condition which aroused anger." David O. McKay
In all my years as a management trainer, the most requested training by managers and executives has been on the topic of performance appraisal feedback. Recently, I've noticed executives and managers have been asking more questions on strategies to handle an angry employee or coworker. Since anger in the workplace and the schoolroom has become an issue of increasing importance, I decided I needed some more information. When I heard that Marshall Rosenberg, the founder of the Center for Non-violent Communication (CNVC), was holding a presentation at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York, I signed up.
While Rosenberg's presentation of non-violent communication principles tends to rely on psychological concepts, the underlying theory presents a sound process to address issues of anger. Other experts on the concept of anger have concluded that processes very similar to the CNVC's teachings really do help reduce the emotional level in a confrontational situation (see work by Matthew McKay and colleagues).
Before discussing some of these processes, as a trainer, I have to remind managers and executives to avoid putting themselves in the position of being a counselor to employees. First of all, managers and executives are not trained in counseling principles. Second, there could be legal ramifications for the company and the individual from any attempt to serve as a counselor to an employee. Third, the only employee issues managers and executives should address are those that are job-related and under their control.
The most important point for managers and executives to keep in mind, when faced with a confrontational employee, is that anger is a symptom. Most people react to the symptoms of emotions expressed by another person. We instinctively ask the other person to step back from his/her emotions. As most of us know, if someone tells us to calm down when we are angry, the advice is likely to further inflame our anger. So, first, avoid telling the angry person to "calm down", "get ahold of yourself", or to "get a grip". Second, acknowledge the employee's anger. Often that acknowledgement, itself, will decrease the tension level. Third, have the employee identify the cause(s). This is the point where many managers and executives slip into a counseling role. There is a tendency to identify or "guess" the causes for the employee. Don't. Let the employee do the work. Third, together with the employee, develop an action plan to resolve the underlying cause of the anger. Fourth, set up the action plan by listing concrete steps that have a specific time period for accomplishing these. Finally, schedule a follow up meeting to make sure the action plan has been successfully implemented.
Dolly Malik, Ph. D.
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